her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
