Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
