No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
ttyl tear gas
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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