Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
