how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
