just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
