I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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