My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
