I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
