There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
