discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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