i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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