Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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