we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
