ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
