SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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