dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He better not be in your backpack
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
