My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
