and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
sex in a hospital.. check
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
