Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Alive.
So much puke
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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