we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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