just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
