dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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