I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
