I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
