I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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