that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
