Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
