Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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