Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
