what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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