I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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