Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
