I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
