it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
