Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
