I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
