I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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