remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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