did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
