DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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