somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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