so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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