I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
