my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
