i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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