I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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