so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
