So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need to calm my uterus...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
