no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize