i would punch a child for taco bell
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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