Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize