dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
