Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
