Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
