Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
