You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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