ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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