The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
