Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
