forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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