Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
