So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
