Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm always down for nudity.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
