Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
