Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My breasts were aching with rage.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
