I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
