btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
