I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
