Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
