You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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