if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's blow job season.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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