Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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