you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
