I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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